…rather than depersonalization or derealization as mentioned in Marlene Steinberg’s book on Dissociation, while those two results may go hand in hand with what is transpiring but is not the cause…
On the evening of August 23, 2012, I stepped out for a meal at the K&W Restaurant. Before returning home I decided to stop into the mall to make a purchase. Upon leaving the store I encountered two young men who clearly intended elevating me. Upon leaving the store they turned toward me, pausing for a few minutes, elevating me, and then walking on toward the North West exit. I continued on and stopped briefly, remembering I wanted mints and gum and intended going back to the store to get them. As I turned to go back to the store, the two young boys turned toward me again elevating me a second time. This all occurred in a matter of seconds. I then proceeded toward the main exit as if to leave the mall, passing two other young male couples who also elevated me. As they passed I stopped along the way looking into the glass windows in various shops to dissociate myself. This caused me to be connected to the 6 young men. I then proceeded to get separated from them in order to regain my consciousness and my intentions on getting the gum and mints. I could see one of them putting on his back pack, another making hand gestures while talking. Still unable to get to the gum and mints I decided to leave the mall before any more entanglements occurred. It took me about an hour after arriving home to reconnect with my desire for the mints and gum. After recovering the content, I discovered it had been altered. I saw and heard via my connection, the following, “is this what you were looking for”, and someone seemed to be sticking a roll of mints in my face. At this point I was disconnected from one of the young men. I then recalled I was also lifted by four other young people, on my way to the restaurant, all entering the Red Bowl, as I turned back to see them waiting to be seated. I found myself still there after being at home for two hours. I could easily see the inside of the restaurant. I also saw the exit sign located next to the K&W many times before finally calming down from all the music being played in all of these places. This lifting or elevating caused a clear loss of the mental activity and content I was focused on at the time. I was now in territory unknown to me. They were now in possession of the mental content of my mind before I left home. I have frequently felt a pulling or tugging in these instances like a rubber band being stretched far apart. I think this is the true nature of what Kaysen mentions in Girl Interrupted when she describes her condition to Dr. Wick as an “undertow”.
