A handful of datura leaves, a trip to the market and some surfing on the internet, revealed to me the hidden cause of numerous episodes of suicidal ideations I have experienced since I was a freshman in college.
I think this has been coming together, I went to Harris Teeter last week and ordered a ham sandwich with mayo, I hadn’t eaten may[sic] mayo in a while on a sandwich. I then a few days later went to Whole Foods and noticed the wind chimes, there wasn’t any wind but I could hear them in my mind. I also looked at the moon rising around the 1st of August, it looked like a Harvest Moon but wasn’t full. I recalled Harvest Moon the song I purchased a year ago. Then of course I discovered the connexxions [sic] and it all has just been culminating and I just kept searching until it came up…
Phoebe Snow’s Poetry Man, Asa on some soap opera, Margaret Atwood (came across her name many times), I ate “mayonnaise” (Officer and Gentleman) on lots of foods mainly tomato sandwiches and had stopped for heart reasons, only recently buying a sub with mayo. I viewed Andy Taylor on Mayberry RFD and Matlock numerous times as did other family members. In 2006 I purchased a copy of A Day on Cape Cod, a relaxation audio CD which included lots of birds chirping and the ocean in the background.
If I had been better informed or educated on Jung’s ideas I may have discovered this book sooner. I wholly believe it is possible by means other than writing to access the unconscious mind without causing harm to one’s self. First and foremost, programming the brain to stay alive (Staying Alive, I listened to frequently) is the key. Making the brain aware of the existence of the unconscious is the next step to surviving its content.
I had the Poetry Man CD by Phoebe Snow but I kept playing it over and over and so I had to get rid of it. Some of the songs are a bit on the depressive side and one songs reads, “Charley Parker died”.
I was out there, on the ground like an animal, darting back and forth…
When I finally got to lay down at around 4:30 AM and drifted off to sleep, I tossed and turned and suddenly found myself in the grassy area beside the dumpster. It was a freaky few hours as I seemed to make my way back and forth through the grass from one side of the dumpster to the other, then going all the way over to the pond and back. I couldn’t tell if a snake was in the process of devouring one of the bunnies or not, it seemed that way. I have encountered their little body parts strewn around the path where I once walked. I no longer walk that way. Suddenly two owls struck up their duet, bellowing like they were going to crash into my window. That kept me awake a few hours. I had forgotten I passed three little bunnies frolicking in the grass about a week before this while on my way to the laundry room.
After sometime I found myself in several of the apartments in the F building, then I flopped over to the E building where I recalled an acquaintance Harold, who was an elderly ex Navy veteran who had become alcoholic. From there I found my way to building C upstairs where Moore lived and then drifted off to sleep. This must be why I thought I was a bat or someone thought they were a bat, they were mixed up with them somewhere.
A few days later I was on my way to the laundry again and encountered four bats flitting around the street lamp and trees on the property. They kept swooping down at me. I made my way to the laundry room and loaded my clothes for washing. I grabbed a stick on my way back and swung it round my head like a lasso, trying to keep them from getting into my hair. I had always heard bats would get tangled in the hair which scared me so I have always been frightened of them. One night one grazed my arm ever so slightly on my way back from the laundry room. It felt eerie but I noticed their bodies seemed soft. I worried more after that because of the possibility of some infection.
B.T. Moore looks like my neighbor upstairs in the C-building a bit, they are from Front Royal, VA. Dr. John Hall administered arsenic to Shakespeare and his family during the plague. Was it murder? My mother’s husband’s first wife poisoned her husband then later died of cancer. He survived. Likely Shakespeare’s wife administered it to him as well as the Doctor. It was said we (Gibbses) lived near Shakespeare but I think it was the Halls and that some of his plays were a reflection of some of their history. Hand washing would be indicative of a doctor preparing for some surgery.
This image is from a film on Hulu, Strangler in the Swamp I think…I had seen this sometime in 2011.
